In the innermost chamber of the heart we have seen His face but this is hidden from consciousness. The heart speaks a language so different from that of the mind and the ego that we are not directly aware of what has happened. Instead we are left with a feeling of the emptiness of our ordinary life. The painful side of spiritual awakening is that the world becomes desolate. We may try to improve our outer situation, work harder, make money, or take a vacation. But we soon find that this is no answer. What is it that we really want? Why is the outer world losing its attraction? Friends and interests that used to be fulfilling can seem empty, and we are left only with a discontent that we cannot satisfy.We long for what our heart knows to be real, for love's union which is hidden beneath the surface of our lives. When we are awakened to this real love we can never be satisfied by anything else. This is why the world begins to lose its attraction, why we become discontented. We have been given a glimpse of something else, the real substance of our own self. Longing is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it takes us home, and a curse because of the pain it brings. Nothing can satisfy us but union with God. Rabi'a, who knew the deepest meaning of love's pain, expresses this in her usual straightforward way:
"The source of my grief and loneliness is deep
in my breast.
This is a disease no doctor can cure.
Only union with the Friend can cure it."