I am back!! 

I'll Come back

T.S. Elliott is credited with saying ‘This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.’ I didn't understand that quote or why he named the poem ‘The Hollow Men’ until recently.

The reality, I have discovered, is that the truest pain, the truest hurt rips everything out of you. There is nothing poetic about that. There is nothing beautiful about the void, the desert that absolute suffering creates inside of you. There are times when the pain I feel is so immense that I want to rip my bones from my own body. I want to scream and sob for eternity, but nothing - absolutely nothing comes out. That is what he meant by despair. That is what he meant by the hollow men. And I am terrified of becoming one because my jaw feels broken, and my pain has blinded me. So I am desperately trying to find my voice, the voice that was taken from me, because I refuse to go gently, to go quietly into that good night.

I believe that there are hands out there searching for mine, no matter how broken mine might be. So I keep holding on, to hope, love, belief. Doesn't matter which one really, because I can’t see any of them. I still believe they are still out there. I believe those things will always save me. I believe that they, and I will continue to refuse to go quietly into the night, to rage against the dying light.

Remember every word I have said. That I will come back in time.

I will always come back.

Hassaan ibn Sinaan passed by a room and said, 

“When was this built?” 

Then he thought to himself and said, 

“Are you asking about something that is not your concern? 

I will punish myself by fasting for a year,” 

and 

he fasted that year.

It's like a journey to the top of the mountain 
We all begin from diffrent sides 
No two people can walk on exact same path
The tip of the mountain is same 
But my path and vision of the top 
Is diffrent from what you see
From where you stand
No one is wrong
Only the Ego to accept the other is too big
It blinds the imagination and thus rises the "I" 


- Unknown

Since few years, I've been wondering what my life is asking of me. I've completely  revolutionized the idea of my internal and external living. my thoughts has changed, even my focus is shifted from inwards to outward realities. Often i heard, If you're on the divine path, either you will travel inwardly or outwardly and now as i choose to be on outwardly path, quite different problems has overwhelm me. Much of it, was about those realities that i used to think only relates to human's psychological and spiritual aspects but as i grow into this pattern of life, i found out that nothing moves in separate of each other's realities and dependence.

Now you must be thinking, why am i sharing all this and as a matter of fact, its just a palaver in the domain of others life. well, i may again start writing but you'll certainly see a quite changed perspective relative to the older ones. So i thought to point this thing out, just for a flow of words.

Ciao. 

we are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. it is a happy chance if we, changing, continues to love a changed person. :) 

My heart sends greetings to those who read my blog. 

I am young and already screwing up my life. 

My ability to prioritize has greatly diminished recently – because I am temporarily in a perceptual world where I see all things horizontally or, rather, unarranged. I want to understand the value of “things” myself and then categorize them. Meanwhile, I have to surrender my ability to rank and order. And therefore, there may be no logical order in what I write in the next few posts. 

Why haven’t I been writing lately? Because the audience of Pakistani blogs (particularly this blog, anyway) are usually very young readers with impressionable minds. Most of what I experience is not suitable for sharing, especially when it is in a stage of development. I myself have a young, impressionable mind and – ah, the age-old problem of the writer! – I am often very possessive of what I write. A question would very often disturb me. I don’t have to know all the times why I feel a certain thing and why I write it. It just is. 

In the past few months, I have experienced previously unknown things. And I preferred not to write about them because even I did not understand them. It would not be fair to subject my readers with just a glimpse of the vast new world of experience that I have entered. After all, what means a universe’ worth to a person is just an arrangement of delightfully literate words to others. This is not to doubt the readers’ capability to understand, but my own inability to capture what I felt. I would be presenting only shallow pictures of what is a deep experience for me – and be adding nothing to the tasteful reader’s thoughts. I could write well, but could not pull the reader into… well… my world? What a cliché! 

So, i will write now. 

Agreements

The First Agreement: Be impeccable with your word.
The Second Agreement: Don’t take anything personally.
The Third Agreement: Don’t make assumptions.
The Fourth Agreement: Always do your best.

I want to write something heart-wrenching beautiful. I want to write something that would crawl under the readers' skin and reduce their souls to shreds. I want to write with the longing that we dare not talk about, the suffering that we carefully tuck away between layers and layers of darkness and secrets. I want my words to dance on their wildest imagination; crack their hearts open so that new light can shine through. 




But I am just useless.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

- Steve Jobs

“When you have indulged a lust, your wing drops off;

you become lame, abandoned by a fantasy...

People fancy they are enjoying themselves,

but they are really tearing out their wings

for the sake of an illusion.” 

― Rumi

Ya Allah! I'm unbearable. I did not pay my dues for being a human. You trusted me too much. O Allah! It were better that You had had my neck, than that I lived this long and loved You less. I love You with my soul, yet my body is thick with impurity, my mind clouded, my heart broken and cluttered. I am a hypocrite. I am a liar. I loved and feared too much, but travelled not with my feet in Your path. 

O Allah, You loved me too much! 

*Sigh!*

What could have caused your grip to weaken
that allowed creation to be?

How could a lover fall to his death
from the arms of infinite
strength?

How active you are in the mind sustaining such a great wall
that the sun can cast a frightening shadow
the world believes.

No one has ever really known sadness. No real God
would ever allow pain.

How then can a heart feel it is broken and in need
if we are held in the arms of infinite
compassion and
strength?

That mirror you (God) stand before --
we need to gaze into it also.

That name you called Beloved
as I fell from your lips --
I suffer

because I did not quite
hear it;

so tell me again dear One
so clear:

I am
you.

~

by: 'Hafiz'

Those given to Your love have no claims on life.

Having eyes for You only, they have long forgotten

themselves.

In the tavern where these single-minded ones drink

the whole wine cellar is emptied and no one

loses his manners

- (Abu Sa`id ibn Abi al-Khayr)

Go and be kind, for time is aware of kindness ..

The job of one who is trying to love Allah is to bring you to the watering hole and then let you get back safely to your homes ..

Poetry of Imam Shafi'i {RahmatuLahi Alayhi}

العِلم والذنوب قال الشافعي رحمه الله:
كتب حَكيمٌ الى حَكِيم: يا أخي قد أوتِيتَ عِلماً, فلا تُدَنّس عِلمَكَ بِظُلمة الذنوب, فتبقِى في الظلمة يومَ يَسْعَى أهلُ العِلم بنورِ عِلمِهم.

Knowledge and Sins

“A wise man wrote to another wise man: ‘O my brother, you have indeed been given knowledge, so do not pollute your knowledge with the darkness of sins – such that you remain in darkness on the Day that the people of knowledge speed forth with the light of their knowledge.’”